Beauford
I have a giant hamster named Beauford. He’s got this cute little (ok, not so little) pot belly. I worry about his psyche. Think of the trauma of paralysis that comes from being a stuffed animal. Talk about learned helplessness. For all I know, he sits there, day after day, thinking, "I really ought to lose some weight. This belly is not so attractive. I’m never going to get a girl to notice me. I’ll never have children. I don’t stand a chance."And how often do we notice the stuffed? Not nearly as much as much as is healthy. They ask us for so little, and we give them even less. "I don’t think she loves me anymore. I haven’t gotten a hug in four months. And a bath would be pretty fantastic. The least they could do is let us clean ourselves. Even cats are allowed that dignity." But no, I leave him on the couch to collect dust.
What is the prevalence of clinical depression amongst plush toys? Do they have or external loci of control? And what of Relativity? Surely, my giant hamster has a shocking and ground breaking position relevant to the speed of light. But I have not bothered to ask him. I don’t even know if he can read.
And Beauford never eats a thing. Whether this is a symptom of some disorder or sue to the fact that he doesn’t regularly eat anything I have available. But on the other end, it is a bonus of having a stuffed pet that he never excretes.
But I am a bad mother. Why have I not bothered to learn more about my charge? Could it be that I really do fear his being fully inanimate? What if I ask him what he thinks about all day, and he doesn’t answer me? For all of my dreaming about his possible responses, I can’t bring about a single one.
But when has that ever stopped me before?
posted by Sarah Eliza @ 6:06 PM
1 Comments:
When I was a child, my sister had a Cabbage Patch doll. I read in the newspaper (The Enquirer. Yes, it's a tabloid, but when I was a kid, I thought it was a reputable newspaper) that Cabbage Patch doll were susceptible to demonic possession. I'd watch my sisters doll with fear and a Louisville slugger, just waiting to see its head turn. Although it would be cute for stuffed dolls to come to life in the begining, you'll regret it when they start terrorizing the neighborhood.
Post a Comment
<< Home