Dear Miss Eliza
Dear Miss Eliza,All my friends are lazy. I really want to help them overcome this; but American Idol is on most weeknights, and weekends are just not convenient, especially since I got the entire 3rd season of 24 on DVD. what's a boy to do?
Sleepy in Seattle
Dear Sleepy,
Here’s the thing about advice. (And believe me, I know advice) You have to ask for it in order to be able to accept it in any meaningful way. This is much like pity. So, trying to affect your friends’ behavior without their desire for such affectations is going to get you a great big punch in the nose.
In light of such painful repercussions, I would advise that you simply learn to accustom yourself to their ways. See if you can learn to be lazy right along with them. Observe their behavior and attempt to reproduce it. What are these friends’ thinking processes? Can you learn how to think this way yourself? Try. I know it’s going to be uncomfortable, because I can see that you are such a lively vibrant personality, but such a stretch is going to be worth it in the long run.
First, learning to be lazy yourself is going to bring you closer to your friends. This is good. Trying to change them would lead to alienation and then you would no have any friends and that is bad, not to mention lonely. Why do you think so much of our youth is based on learning to have friendly relations with other people?
Second, mastering laziness is WAY less work than trying to make a difference. And minimizing effort is a goal to be esteemed.
Third, just look at the results! You get to be lay around, maybe watching some TV (which will keep you in the know at the water cooler) play some video games (maintaining or even improving hand eye coordination) and get on the computer once or twice (your daily dose of human contact). What more do you need?
- Miss Eliza
Dear Miss Eliza,
My baby is sick, he's got a cold. I'd like to try to comfort him when he cries so that he doesn't get too worked up and uncomfortable. However, I don't want him to get used to getting attention (immediately) when he cries. Any suggestions?
-concerned dad
Dear dad,
It's all in the operant conditioning. What you want to do is to negatively reinforce this comfort that you want to get rid of. In other words, you want to punish your son. But not the normal physical abuse that would get you in trouble. So you'll have to be more creative.
PUNISHMENT POSSIBILITIES:
Ask yourself, what would Simon say about my sining? If the answer is "Simon" enough for this to get prime time air space, this could be a good way to "punish" your son for feeling confort (immediately) after crying.
Two words: brussel sprouts.
Leave him with your mother-in-law for a day or two. But before you do, make sure you tell him how much fun you and your wife will be having without him.
Of course, the normal way for a baby to show that he's not comfortable (immediately) is to cry again, and so you have a punishment-cry-attention-comfort-punishment cycle which takes up LOTS of time. Which makes you ask, "is it worth it?" hard to tell. Give it thirty years or so, and then ask his therapist how much he talks about you. If the answer is, "the real question is when DOESN'T he," then I'd try a different approach with your next child.
- Miss Eliza
posted by Sarah Eliza @ 2:09 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home