So Says The Mouse In My Hair

A Circus, But Without The Elephants

So there are these two news stories that have been floating around in the last pages of the newspapers lately. With all this fuss about Kyrzystan I doubt you’ve even had a chance to notice them. These are stories that I’ve been loathe to bring up, for obvious reasons, but since I’ve finally discovered the angle that no one else has, I thought it only fair to share.

See, it all sort of starts a few decades ago with the formation of The Jackson Five. A lot of things happened between then and now which I won’t get into because I’m not that evil. Cut to today. Michael Jackson is in court dealing with child molestation charges and the people want to know all about it.

But here’s the kicker. Michael Jackson is a joke.

This is the most important statement ever uttered by a thinking creature ever in the history of ever. It bears repeating. For emphasis, try a British accent.

Michael Jackson is a joke.

Now, we all know about how elite today’s media is, and we all know it because they said so on television and on the radio and in books and on the internet and in the movies and in newspapers and... where else do we find media? Anyway, there too. So because the media told me that the media is full of snobs, I’m using that as a base for future arguments. Ready?
Is a media full of elite snobs going to want to cover a joke? Are they going to want to give the attention to this story that the plebeian masses demand of them? Hell no. They need a diversion. Something also involving courts. Something with an air of legitimacy and moral values that we can all latch on to. Something That will push Mr. Jackson onto pages A 2-3.

And such is the story behind the media circus around Terri Schivo. Haven’t we all asked ourselves, "What’s the big deal about this one woman? It’s actually so that serious reporters don’t have to take part in the media circus around Michael Jackson.

Because, and I don’t know if you’ve noticed this or not, but nothing is allowed to be funny when a woman is starving to death because all the king’s congress and all the king’s presidents couldn’t get the feeding tube inside her again.

What I mean is, Terri Schivo is not a joke. It's just tasteless and rude, and it means that you don't have a heart. Or taste. Or tact. Which I don't, so I don't see what the problem is.

But Michael Jackson is a joke.

Wait, did I say that already? My bad.

So, since Michael Jackson is a joke and Terri Schivo isn't (unless you're me and you've seen her everywhere you look for a week and a half, and you're wondering if maybe other things are happening out there in the world) then it's all right for her to take super valuable front page space every day, even if the only new thing to be reported is that she's getting weaker.

Because seriously, we really couldn't have come to that conclusion on our own simply based on the fact that her feeding tube was removed eleven days ago. We just don't have that kind of brain power. It's what seperates us from the dolphins, what we have to be told my the media that's so much smarter than we are.

Have I thouroughly confused matters yet? I guess it all boils down to two things.
1. No news story deserves headlines for more than one day. Even if itvolves a woman who is being forced to starve to death because she told her husband that's what she would have wanted.
2. Michael Jackson is a joke.

posted by Sarah Eliza @ 6:23 AM