So Says The Mouse In My Hair

Top Ten Reasons To Visit My Blog Regularly

NOTE: Before we get started, I just want you to know, that I count DOWN my top ten reasons, not UP them. You know how Rolling Stone Magazine does their Top !00 this or that and they always start with the very biggest best most wonderful thing and take it all backwards from there? Save the suspense, people! Lucky for me I always read periodicals from back to front.

NEXT NOTE: I was going to call this top ten reasons to vitit my blog, but you'd only be able to read it if you were alreaady here, so that just doesn't do much does it?

10. To see if your question has been published in my Dear Miss Eliza column. OR: because you have a question you’d like to ask Miss Eliza. (on a related note, tune in next time to hear my top ten reasons for writing to Miss Eliza)

9. The name. Come on, The Mouse In My Hair? It just goes without saying.

8. Because anything can happen. I mean the probability that something isn’t going to come up is exactly the same as the probability that it IS going to come up. Which means that anything can happen good. Or anything can happen bad. Or both. There’s always the possibility that the photon is going through both slits at the same time. It’s not just a particle, it’s a wave!

7. To prove to your friends that you’re an intellectual snob. Just look at how witty you appear sitting there chuckling at all my dry humor.

6. To prove to your friends that you’re a jackass too. I mean seriously, this stuff may not be crude, but it is the mental level of a Disney cartoon.
NOTE: Both of these reasons are helped prodigiously when your friends visit regularly as well.

5. It is your moral duty. Sure it didn’t make the Ten Commandments… or even the Bible, but only by one vote.

4. My people counter has a cripplingly low self image. He feels like no one acknowledges him and they’re trying to put him out of a job. And all that dead space between visitors gives him WAY too much time to think. And we all know about the correlation between thinking too much and suicide. Right?

I’m sorry. I don’t usually resort to guilt trips. I don't like them. They are evil. So don’t look at it like a guilt trip. Look at it like words strung together in an amusing way. Feel entertained.

3. Think of how good you look in comparison. This can be done in several ways. The simplest is to say, "man that chick is MESSED up. My life actually makes sense next to that!" Or you can look at your brain in the mirror, then look at my blog, then look at your brain in the mirror, then look at my blog etc. Finally, breathe easy.
And remember, one’s sense of one’s own self worth compared to others drains remarkably quickly, so come back OFTEN to fill up on warm fuzzy feelings about yourself.

2. The rabbi just stopped by. I’m now officially kosher.

1. There is an age old magic spell that I’ve invoked in relation to my blog. (This is not the first time, I used this spell on my yearbook too.) he who visits regularly will be blessed with superior wealth and happiness and joy, and health if he or she should so desire.

So come back. Have a good time. Tell your friends. Make me popular!

posted by Sarah Eliza @ 11:49 AM