Profanity
Like all things, swearing ought to follow several simple rules to maintain maximum effectiveness.First: Only swear when you mean it. Extraneous usage dilutes potency. So wait. And if it gets to the point where you feel deep down in the very core of your being that it’s time to let it go, just open your mouth, and life will take care of itself.
NOTE: Listening to your inner potty mouth does not mean that you need to be sparse in your choice of vocabulary. An example: Lets say I was watching the Red Sox game against Toronto last Friday. (Ha! As if you thought I would be able to talk about this subject without bringing up baseball. Do you not know me at all?) And lets say we got to the ninth inning. And lets say that I got a little pissed at Mr. Foulke for his downright shitty performance. Am I going to stop after shitty? Hell no. An appropriate response would be, "You god damned mother fucking cunt of an asshole!" followed by, "fucky, fucky" through every at bat thereafter.
And don’t get me started on David Wells.
Second: Be creative. If the situation calls for swearing, you must not settle for a half hearted "dick." If you’re going to get your mouth washed out with soap, you’re going to want to get enough dirty words in there to make it worth while. You don’t clean your dishes after just one meal. You wait, let them accumulate, and do a mother load that takes you an hour. So put some heart into it. Instead of "dick" why not go with "asshole with a hard-on" or "you ass fucking whore of dip shit."
Third: Swears do not under any circumstances have to make sense. (And if you think differently, then I would suggest a week of cuticle therapy.) Be honest with yourself. If you’re sending off a stream of foul rottenness, no one is going to be paying attention to the grammar. If I say, "Pansy fucking cock wadded asshole" are parents going to ask just how you think you’re supposed to fuck a pansy, and where the wadded cock fits into this picture? I don’t think so.
But be careful. Swearing was not meant for everyone. In fact I firmly believe that there are two types of people in this world. People who can pull it off, and people who should be banned from swearing for all of eternity. And I fully back any legislation that would call for a liscencing process for swearing.
posted by Sarah Eliza @ 8:31 AM
7 Comments:
There Kenny, do you feel better now?
God, you said the...C WORD!!
I'm shocked! Even I dont have to balls to say that out loud [in public].
That'a girl! I knew you had it in you!
:) Kenny like.
(but don't get too comfortable with the bad words, okay? They're like cocaine...addicting..)
Don't worry. Bad words are the realm of summer girl. After the playoff are over they fade into the woodwork and I shrink back to my normal size and color, and I turn into a puppy that's perfectly adorable and very hard to kick.
In my recent endeavor to refrain from the use of curse words (mainly due to my current employment as a school administrator *note* I once said "fuck!" after spilling tea on my pants while a child was passing by my office. I have chosen to deny everything when said child gasped and replied "you said a bad word.")
I have found I needed surrogates to fill in. Like "Oh, sugars!" or "Mutha-Flubba." However, I inevitably begin to sound like some old lady at church bingo a number away from winning. They don't give the same satisfaction, but they do force me to use some imagination "Lick the underside of my basketballs, sugarhead!!"
I love the words that some people come up with so that they don't have to swear. "Lick the underside of my basketballs" is right up there.
I remember one time that I heard my dad swear. And then I went directly to my brother and said, "I just heard dad say s-h-i-t!" My dad overhears this, and I get in trouble for swearing. I tell ya!
If there's one thing I've learned in life it's that I have as much of an effect on this world as a ghost. so no, I'm not worried about lasting stenches.
And yes, profanity is a sign of anger. It should be. A swear is a very powerful word, and should not be used lightly. To mean it you're going to need to be really angry. That's how it should be.
But I'm not seeing the weakminded connection. The sign of a good vocabulary is that you say what you mean. And if you think he's a dick, then say he's a dick. if you don't, you are not communicating as clearly as you're able to. If you can't clearly say what you're trying to, that's the sign of a weak mind.
But you're completely ignoring connotation in your argument. And connotation of a word is equaly as important as annotation when you're talking about having an effect. Calling someone a dick is much more insulting and therefore effective than saying he's hard and tall with a funny hat on and excessively sweaty. And it's more insulting and therefore more effective because of it's connotation.
Swears also have a lot of power behind them. That's what make them swears. "I think you're full of shit," and "I think your argument has no merit" are saying the same thing, but the first statement holds much more power to cause a reaction.
You don't really want to compare me to the Holy Ghost, do you? I mean isn't that like comparing an ant hill to the Shynx? Actually, that's probalby being generous. Maybe a flea house. One of those campers they use when they're on the road with the circus. That's about the highest level I can aspire to. I'm no Holy Ghost.
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