So Says The Mouse In My Hair

Dear Miss Eliza

Dear Miss Eliza,
I had this dream last night where I living in a department store in the mall. My brother, who owned the store, was having trouble meeting his payroll, the clerk told me he was trying to kill me. So I went out and bought a handgun, and while I was at the store, this snake started following me. It was a little green garter snake, and he was cute, so I named him Dodo. Then I go back to my brother’s store to look for a disguise and find a ball gown and glass slippers that look absolutely stunning on me. They even match with Dodo. But I look in the mirror and see my brother with a knife, so I turn around and look at him, but there’s no knife, and he smiles and cries and gives me a hug. And then he stabs me, and leaves me on the floor as he goes to close the store down for the night.
So how are you at dream interpretation?
All REMed Up

Dear All,
Well, as a liscenced dream interpreter, it is obvious to me that this dream is the result of your resentment about global warming.

This is extrapolated from the snake. He is green because that is the world is heading towards a green spell. And calling him Dodo is a reference to the famously extinct dodo bird, which is no more because of man’s extensive self-obsession and his beliefs of omnipotence.

Looking into mirrors in dreams is without fail, a sign of self loathing. And the ball gown is of course, central to all those inaugural balls that the president attends once he’s come to office.
The reason you’re living in a mall in the first place is a concept I could write a thesis on. Suffice it to say that this is in tribute to your descendants.

The clerk who tells you that your brother wants you dead is a dead ringer for the preschool teacher who was always putting you in timeout for stealing the other kids’ scissors.

The fact that your brother stabs you in the back has nothing to do with anything. As Freud said, sometimes a gun is just a gun.

In the end then, the moral of your story is that you hate yourself for allowing into office a president who is so lax on global warming. This makes you pine for the days of preschool, where your biggest problem was finding a pair of rightie scissors.

Or, it can all boil down to one word: Don’tvoterepublican.

I should note that this is not necessarily the opinion of the author, but only of your subconscious. Miss Eliza

posted by Sarah Eliza @ 11:29 AM