Dear Miss Eliza
Dear Miss Eliza,My co-worker is a very competitive person. For example, today I told her that I had cleaned my apartment last week. She countered that she had cleaned her house. What is the correct way to respond to someone who’s always trying to one up you like this?
Almost in Albuquerque
Dear Almost,
Much time, energy and money can be spent on being better than the other one. Instead of being bullied into playing the well-I’m-even-cooler-than-you game, you may want to laterally side swipe your opponent. (While I mean this in the most figurative of sentences, the literal sense can also work.)
Simply replying with an, "Oh, I’m so sorry!" is an excellent approach to take. Unless sympathy is what you are competing for. Then a rousing rendition of, "Well, they do say that laughter is the best medicine tee hee hee!" will work wonders.
Equally endearing are the responses, "Nope, sorry, not buying it," and, "I know you are but what am I?"
- Miss Eliza
Dear Miss Eliza
I've heard that noodling for giant catfish is dangerous. Can you confirm or deny?
Rick Shaw
Dear Rick,
Thank you for your cautionary and distilling question.
The rumors are true. As I have had the unpleasant experience of finding out first hand, noodling for giant catfish is indeed dangerous.
"Go," they said. "It’ll be Fun," they said. "It’s only noodles and a catfish," they said. Fie, fie to them and their other thems. How could they have hoisted this tragedy upon my frail young shoulders?
Here’s the thing. One: The noodles are dry. Two: Giant catfish are extremely adept at weilding noodles. Since my "incident," Serious restrictions have been hoisted upon the noodling catfish industry. Some say that these restrictions take all the fun out of it, but those particular suicidal nuts have simply moved on to cheesing giant leopards.
But even with these new legislations, noodling giant catfish is still to be approached with caution and a very large plastic shield. These can be purchased at most respectable toy stores. And believe me, it’s worth the $3. $4 is pushing it though, so haggle a little if you need to.
Oh, and don’t try this on your honeymoon. It will only end in wailing and misery. I should know.
- Miss Eliza
Dear Readers,
You know you want to try it, this asking of questions. Believe me, it's way easier than it sounds. 1. write a sentence. 2. re-write it in the form of a question. 3 post it in my comments or e-mail it to me @selizawalden@yahoo.com 4. Come up with a sweet smelling pseudonym. it makes all the difference in the world.
And remember it's a great tax writeoff.
- Miss Eliza
posted by Sarah Eliza @ 3:28 PM
3 Comments:
i am in an internet cafe, it is 11:19 at night, whole families with squallling infants are at the surrounding cubicles (3 actually), and i'm bloghopping, and maybe you call this logic or maybe not, but your entry asked for questions and this is one, what kind of a family outing is a trip to the internet cafe, exXxspecially one where i think the sign on the door says smoking mandatory or maybe it was "monitored", shaky on the alphabet, maybe it's something you understand once you have kids?
who takes their families out on outingings at 11:19 at night? That's what I'd like to know. BUt thanks for the question. It will be adressed in the next installment of Dear Miss Eliza. Anybody else?
p.s. did you have a name you wanted to attach, or is skatecat going to do it for you?
Thanks so much, Miss Eliza for saving me from Noodling disaster! Silly me, I thought it sounded like such a great first date...
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