Demographics
Happy 200!I have been doing research on the topic of demographics. Who is reading my blog? Are they coming back and reading the next day? And so I have been conducting a thorough survey of surfers. My sample size was "everyone who has read this blog except you." Why did I feel the need to leave you out of this? Well, our history has been a little rocky, if you’ll recall. But here are the results that I have complied. (I would enter them into a pie chart or graph or something, but my computer savvy ends with typing letters.)
90% of users are lonely single males. Without exception they found this web address on a bathroom stall. You would be surprised at how popular I am on bathroom stalls. I’ve heard tales of notes saying, "Thanks bud. You were totally right about Miss Eliza" or, "She can stick a mouse in my hair any time."
5% of readers are super well adjusted males. You can define a super well adjusted male by how much time he spends reading blogs. The lower the number of blogs read, the more well adjusted he is. For my purpose, "well adjusted" can be determined as less than or equal to three.
4.9% of my readers are male fictitious beasts. The minatour especially is very fond of my adorable post topics. He told me that he sits down with a big bowl of popcorn, but he leaves the ice cream in the freezer because It'’ just too rich.
.09% of my readers are prokaryotes. Now you wouldn’t expect single celled organisms with no nucleus to be able to maneuver the internet, or a computer for that matter. But in the future computers will in fact become this simple to operate, and time travel is actually going to make it’s debut in time travel, so they enjoy visiting my blog in the here and now.
.009% (which if you’re keeping track is .0018th of one person) of my readers are unsure of their own identities. You may find this fact curious, but it’s easy enough to come to grips with if you are aware of the following facts: First off, some people have vitamin deficiencies, and in the next place, we aren’t all Mister Smarty Pants like you.
Finally, .001% of my readers are female. This is really the most interesting number of the bunch. Why do so few women read my blog? This requires further reasearch, but I am told that the president of Harvard is a leading authority in this area. You could ask him.
Do you have any questions about these numbers? Would you like to argue with them? Feel free to try. I can’t promise you’ll win because I don’t argue fair, but that’s a whole new bottle of bubbles.
posted by Sarah Eliza @ 12:56 PM
3 Comments:
I thought I was female...but now I'm doubting myself. After all, demographics never lie. They are the reason there is a Simple Life 4 coming my way but Arrested Development (although watched by most of the adults in my life) has 'poor ratings'. So, I guess I am officially in the 'unaware' category.
Your comment on New York Intern cracked me up. :)
Interesting blog. Since I'm a conservative, I guess you and I won't agree on much.
Can't say I'm a Red Sox fan, though I was glad they won the series.
I have found the best way to deal with television is to shoot it. first because it's good therapy, and second, it's more acceptable than making a hat out of tinfoil and sticking it on your head to protect yourself from stupid people rays.
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