So Says The Mouse In My Hair

Dear Miss Eliza: the logic of philosophy

Dear Miss Eliza,
I slept late the other morning and ended up missing my first class. The prof blew a gasket and threatened to fail me for not showing up. But, since it was a philosophy class, I got him to make a deal. If I could come up with an unrefuteable logic for why I needed to miss class, He’d give me an A. I need some help on the logic though. Any ideas?
Socrates In Training

Dear Socrates,
The best way to make an argument unrefutable is to treat it like a labyrinth. Start off easy, but get more and more complicated until your professor’s brain is a splatter on the side of a wall.
Also, don’t submit it in writing.

So try something like this: "I needed to sleep more than I needed to be in class, and that’s why I didn’t make it. Physical needs are far more basic than mental needs, and should therefore take precedence over such superfluous "needs" such as brainian (Side note: making up words is a beautiful twist for your labyrinth) exercise a measly letter grade. Because think about a grade. Does it even exist? (Side note again: any philosophical argument worth its salt calls existence into question.) While it can have physical manifestations, it is not that which represents it. (Note: Get into pronouns and move away from antecedents.) Therefore, it has no physical value, which is the defining characteristic of existence.
Instead I’ve claimed to value that which already has a physical value and is then sufficiently capable, by the mere existence it the value that it intrinsically contains, of having a value ascribed to it. (Note: Did you see how I used the same word in that sentence 4 different times? That’s an excellent way of getting lost.) And so in valuing something of worth as opposed to something without, I have merely applied logic to my own actions, thereby following the basic tenets you set for us in this class."

I wouldn’t sum up the argument at the end, that would just lead to comprehensability. I’d leave it at that.

Of course, you’ll want to get into it in much more depth, I didn’t because I was trying to spare your sanity. When you try it though, just go for broke. Hope that helps.
Miss Eliza

posted by Sarah Eliza @ 9:25 AM