Dear Miss Eliza: How to Delare the Undeclared Major
Dear Miss Eliza,I’ve been on college for ** cough, cough ** years now, and it looks like they finally expect me to pick a major. But I’m only 24 years old! How can they think that I’m ready to know what I want to be when I grow up? How can they be so sure that I ever intend to grow up at all? But that’s beside the point. I’m just looking for advice on what to major in when I don’t know what to do?
Undeclared the Undergrad
Dear Undeclared,
Fortunately for you, the inventors of college set up a nice little catch all for people just like you. Let me tell you a little story.
Once upon a time, the father of the modern American university, Samuel Adams, saw the need for a program for drifters and lollygaggers, who found their way to college purely by convention.
"They’re pouring in by the thousands," he said to himself one September. "The poor lost sheep, they too need a place to feel accepted and loved. I will create for them a special department that caters to their specific talents: procrastination, aimlessness, an lack of structure. I hereby declare the existence of English major."
And the little lost sheep rejoiced. For the English major allowed them to focus on the true reason for being where they were, the College Experience. Which for those of you who have not yet learned, has nothing to do with learning.
And for prolonging this College Experience, the drifters thanked Mr. Adams, with the only tribute that a businessman understands: they bought his product.
And from thence forward, upperclassmen had their own undeclared major, and college hasn’t been the same ever since. I mean, look at it, it has given rise to an entire generation of people just like you. And as a result, English departments all over the country have been expanding exponentially. Why do you think Bush wants to go back to the moon? Because he wants to put a university there, dedicated to the study of English. You see, space is becoming so limited on our own planet that English departments don’t even have enough paper to dole out to the students. They are reverting to the favored Greek mode of story telling, oral communication.
I am digressing. Undeclared, I apologize. The point is that a person like you should not in fact fear the future… well, the near future anyway, your future beyond college may be a bit bleak, but you don’t need to worry about that, after all, it might never happen.
- Miss Eliza
posted by Sarah Eliza @ 10:30 AM
2 Comments:
Don't forget about Poly Sci major. Another popular pre-law choice.
But even more awesome is the choice employed by many athletes especially those on scholarship: General Studies. I mean - can you get more non-committal than General Studies? You're not even committing to a language!
But what the english major has going for it is the lack of final exams. You have papers due during finals week, but if you really wanted to, you could pass them all in on monday (or even the friday before if you're up to the challenge) and go home a week before everyone else.
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