So Says The Mouse In My Hair

Dear Miss Eliza: How to handle a phobia

Dear Miss Eliza,
My whole life I’ve had a fear of molds and fungus. It’s really been getting in the way since I got married because my wife loves mushrooms on her pizza, and all I can think of are little forests of smurf houses growing in my stomach. She says I really should look into therapy, but I’m not the type to spend that much money on something this stupid. Have you got any ideas?
Keeping cool and dry

Dear Keeping,
Did you know that a fear of forests or wooden objects is called xylophobia? There are some really cool ones out there. You should check them out. Go to http://www.phobialist.com/reverse.html and check through them. The list is long enough that there should be one for everyone (although, curiously, there is no name for fear of mold or fear of fungus) including your wife. This is what is referred to in so many colors as the telephone-pole-in-the-eye approach.

You see, sometimes things are capable of changing, including people. But most times it’s much easier not to. And the agent of change has no buisness being an external force, such as a wife. It isn’t her job to see that you turn into a new person. It’s her job to love you unconditionally just the way you are.

Now she may not know how to do that, which is where this phobia list comes in. Find something that applies to her like barophobia, a fear of gravity or arachibutyrophobia (fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of your mouth). Be sure to check for pocrescophobia, the fear of gaining weight.

Then, once you have found your wife’s special phobia you say, "Honey, who are you to talk about my mold issue? I mean don’t you have a thing with poetry (metrophobia)? And I don’t tell you that you need therapy. I accept, nay embrace this side of you each and every day we are together. It is one piece of the puzzle that makes you so incredible. And it is part of the you that I love so wholly. So lets have no more talk of therapy, shall we? We don’t want to try to spoil each other, right?"

That should take care of it right there. And you’ll want to behave like a good role model for her after this discussion, so give lots of hugs, and send lots of flowers with little notes that are careful to avoid being poetic. All in all, act like you love the whole her all the time.

I hope this has been informative. Let me know how things work out in the end.
- Miss Eliza

Dear Readers,
Do you ahve a question that you're afraid to ask in the middle of polite society? Well this is the perfet setting for relieving your some of some embarassing lack of knowledge of your part. But there is one thing you have to check.
The crew here at Miss Eliza is very demanding about the qualifications for questions we publish. They absolutely have to end in a question mark. We're sticklers about this. So, if you have a question all you have to do is 1. Type it. 2. Put a question mark at the end. 3. Post it in the comments sention on this blog or e-mail it to me at selizawalden@yahoo.com
And we'll take it from there. Next thing you know, you'll be just that much smarter. How do you like them potahtoes? (Note the question mark.)

posted by Sarah Eliza @ 6:43 PM