So Says The Mouse In My Hair

Dear Miss Eliza Goes Shopping

Dear Miss Eliza,
Why is it that the entertainment industry gets upset at me for illegally downloading songs and movies? After all, I can go into a store and buy a used CD or DVD and no one says a thing about it. Neither the band nor production company doesn’t see a penny of that money and yet I do not recall ever hearing a giant outcry about robbing the artists of their hard earned second hand money. If the industry really wants to go after someone, they should go after Goodwill. Those whose albums end up on sale there are truly the ones in desperate need of the help that will come from the sale of one of their albums. So why the hypocrisy?
- Mr. Mooch

Dear Filching Moocher,
Well, I should have thought it obvious. Think about which kinds of people believe that what I buy should rightfully be shared with you for less than cost? Who is it that wants to destroy the free market system because capitalists pigs just want to strong arm the proletarian majority into working for the benefit of the wealthy? Who runs a black market as healthy and vibrant as that of the second hand entertainment industry?

The answer is obvious: Second hand entertainment, be it music, videos, or the ever popular book (which I notice that you left out. Shame, shame.) is in the hands of Communists.

As if you didn’t know. The literary intelligencia that frequents these shops are well known to favor Michael Moore (a self described Socialist) over Rush Limbaugh (a true blue Red Stater). And the owners? You know, the ones that stock the shelves? You think they try to associate themselves with the likes of Ann Coulter? Hell, they wouldn’t even touch one of her books. She has cooties. And I’m sure Ann herself would like to tell you that anyone who doesn’t like her is a Commie.

That’s just the book stores. Music stores are just as bad. You ever seen the size of the Country & Western portion of one of these stores? It’s got about five CD’s. Whereas they’re chock full of Rock and Roll (the Devil’s music to begin with) by anti-American bands like the Beatles, (remember Lennon’s song “Imagine”? Don’t try to tell me that’s about capitalism.) The Rolling Stones (“American Woman, stay away from me.”) and Greenday (“Don’t want to be an American Idiot.”)

And what about places that sell used movies? They all started out in Hollywood didn’t they? And Hollywood is very well known for its strong left wing. Black list anyone?

Now the second hand industry’s liberal (aka: communist) bias is just the beginning. It leads to its members organizing. Also known as Organizing. As in, “Singly, we’re just a bunch of small businessmen trying to buck the Big Box system that is destroying down home folks like you and me. But put us all together and you have the Death To Capitalism Workers Union, or DTCWU.”

Of course the DTCWU is in league with the nation’s leading Communist front organization, the American Civil Liberties Union. The two combined are able to wield the Sword-of-Freedom to cut the Bonds-of-Oppression and to guard themselves with the Shield-of-Justice thereby making them invincible against their strongest foe: the Money-Grubbing-Billionaire-Club.

So there you have it. The entertainment industry understand well that if it attempted to insert itself into the second hand industry, the Communists would cut their dick off and run it up a flag pole as a message it capitalists everywhere.

Hope that answers your question.
- Miss Eliza

posted by Sarah Eliza @ 10:15 AM