Dear Miss Eliza Chats Up A Storm
Dear Miss Eliza,My friend told me that chat room were a great way to meet guys. But they’re so predictable. I go into a room and some guy’ll PM me and asks asl. Then: am I single? And then it invariably leads to him trying to get my cyber clothes off. It’s so stupid! How do I get a guy to talk to me about real life in a chat room?
Ageless Sexless and Locationless
Dear American Sign Language,
As my Paddy used to say, "why do they even bother calling them chat rooms?" And he’s right. It’s actually a game room. And since you can’t see their boards and they can’t see yours, lets call it a game of battleship.
Chat Room Battleship: Male vs. Female
Male objective: This should be fairly obvious. You’re trying to sink her thong.
Male Rules
-You are allowed one introductory/come on line before you ask her asl.
-Upon receiving her asl you must ask, "what do you look like?"
-You are allowed one comment on her appearance before you ask if she is single/has boyfriend/is married.
-Steer the conversation towards sex.
-At some point you must interrupt the flow of the conversation and ask if she has MSN?/Yahoo, etc.
-You have won when you enter the never ending cyber sex cycle. Congradulations.
NOTE: 10 points rewarded for each question that she answers appropraitely.
Female objective: As you have stated, you are looking for conversation. In this sense conversation is defined as consistent remarks from each party of at least ten word sentences which utilize a subject a verb an adverb two adjective and 3 words of at least three syllables. So basically, you’re going for depth, wit, and charm.
Female Rules:
-You are not allowed to answer stupid questions. Stupid questions may be defined as those which are boring or over used.
-On half of the occasions in which the conversation stalls you are only allowed single word statements until he starts conversing with you again. (And this uses the definition applied earlier). In order for your wishes to be fulfilled, but partners must contribute equally. This means that he must contribute half the conversation topics.
-Flirting is legal, but must remain strictly G rated.
-Always be polite. Say ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ and ‘you’re welcome’ when appropriate.
-Arguments are perfectly acceptable, but keep them good-natured. This is supposed to be fun after all.
-Attempt to break convention from time to time. Say something outlandish or silly. You can even go so far as ridiculous. And if ever he seems confused (and if you’re playing the game right, he will) you must not back down from your statement. Instead, back it up. Clarify or expand.
NOTE: 10 points for each stupid question that you refuse to answer.
NOTE TO BOTH SEXES: 100 points deducted if you break off the conversation first.
And now, let the games begin!
- Miss Eliza
posted by Sarah Eliza @ 6:30 PM
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