So Says The Mouse In My Hair

Dear Miss Eliza: Whither the Weather

Dear Miss Eliza,
Why is it that whenever it’s rainy enough to pull out your umbrella, it’s too windy to use it? What could the gods have been thinking to invent such a useless phenomenon?
- Bluster the Sopping Wet Bear

Postcard for Bluster:
Chaos theory tells us that everything exists for a reason. (No it doesn’t.) The mosquito sucks your blood because without insect bites we would not develop immunities to common diseases like the avian flu. The stars are this far away because the teacher didn’t want note passing in the middle of class. It’s distracting. Trees and flowers pollinate so that we can improve our sneeze flinging distances. Wind and rain accompany each other in order to remind us that man cannot overcome nature.

It is a lesson in humility. We always think that we’re more impressive than nature, that whatever happens we’ll be able to adapt and fix and come out on top. But this is nt so, and the umbrella is a superb example.

Sure, it was a grand idea. Man said to himself, "If we could put this sheet on a stick and hold it over our heads, then we can stay dry when it’s wet outside." Ten points to the hero who figured out how to get the best of the rain. But hero, don’t you think you might have forgotten something? Aerodynamics perhaps?

Because the gods have answered your human sized logic with a simple yet elegant solution. "If we push the air around while the rain pours, then their paltry sheets on sticks will collapse into a soaking puddle, and we will remain supreme once more. Man will learn his place if we have to beat it into him with sleet and hail. He thinks he’s so smart telling himself what to do and thinking of his own ideas and fighting us. We’ll show him."

And ever since, man’s umbrella has been battered and tossed and broken by the wind, and he must hang his head to keep the rain out of his eyes. And so, soaking wet with his head bowed low, he must make his way humbly through the storm.
Miss Eliza

posted by Sarah Eliza @ 12:48 PM