Dear Miss Eliza: Razor Sharp
Dear Miss Eliza,My boyfriend’s hair is getting pretty shaggy. And maybe I should be ok with him doing whatever he wants with his hair, but I’m not. It brings back traumatic memories of my dad. He had long hair too. But that’s not traumatic, the traumatic part is that Dad was a circus clown, and I was always scared of circus clowns. As a matter of fact, I still am, and I’m afraid if my boyfriend’s hair gets any longer, he’ll become a circus clown. What can I do?
Girl With the Pearl Scissors
Dear Pearl,
In the boy-girl debate, the subject of change is inevitable. You find things wrong with him and he finds things wrong with you and everyone pretends to ignore those things until, as my Paddy liked to say, "Those elephants ain’t just in the room, they’re sleeping in your bed. A whole herd of em, too. It’s just no good, I’ll tell ya that."
He’s right. Two people simply cannot live with a herd of elephants. I tried it once, and it was no fun. They don’t pick up after themselves. They clog the toilet and break all the good china. (No wait, it’s bulls that break all the china, elephants are great with it.) They create mountains (literal mountains) of dirty laundry. You can’t take them anywhere because they never look both ways before doing anything.
In the end you’re fed up and exasperated and blaming anything elephant related on your significant other, which means that you can forget about a nice romantic Valentines Day, and no relationships has ever survived without those nice romantic Valentine's Days.
And that’s where you’re heading Pearl. To the elephants. You don’t want that. I don’t want that for you. You'll need a 5 step plan to avoid that toilet trouble.
1. Stop shaving. (Don’t worry, it’s not permanent.) At some point, he’s going to notice. (This will take longer than you expect.) At some later point, he will feel distressed to the point where he’ll have to comment on it.
2. When he does, then explain to him (over his favorite dinner) that you were under the impression that he was a great lover of hair, and only wanted to please him. And when he asked where on Earth you got that idea you...
3. hold a mirror up to his head. Laugh at this point, you’ll need to keep things light.
4. In that vein, this is the time to serve dessert: Jell-O. If all has gone right, he’ll grin sheepishly and suggest a mutual shaving party.
5. Take him up on it.
And you’ll both be as baby soft and smooth as a hockey rink after the zamboni makes a pass.
- Miss Eliza
posted by Sarah Eliza @ 8:56 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home