So Says The Mouse In My Hair

Dear Miss Eliza: Forgot Your Final Yet?

Dear Miss Eliza,
This is finals week. And wherever I turn I see evidence that it is finals week. The school newspaper is completely about finals week. There is free food being given out in the student center because it is finals week. My roommate has a clock counting down to the end of finals week. All the bulletin boards everywhere have advice about how to deal with the stress that is finals week. That’s stupid. What I need isn’t to be reminded that this is finals week. I need to forget that this is finals week. How do I do that?
- Final Solution

Dear Finally Solved,
As my Paddy used to say, “The best distraction is a good distraction.” So true. So what’s the difference between a good distraction and a stressful one? You guessed it. The level of stress. And where is the level of stress the lowest? Among people who don’t know what the word means.

There are two ways to interpret that. You can hang out with ignorant think skulled plebeians who get kicks out of kicking people. This is violent and crass. And I know (from the simple fact that you were thoughtful enough to write me a letter) that you are not a violent and crass type of person. Therefore.

The other place that you are going to find people who don’t know the meaning of stress is on a playground. How do I know that? It’s called a playground. See? PLAY ground. A ground for playing. And playing is what you are doing when you are not stressing. So get up a good game of dodge ball or tag. Hide and seek. Hopscotch. Four square. Duck duck goose.

(I’ll tell you, I haven’t been able to get anyone to play duck duck goose with me in forever. You can sign me up for that one please.)

There are rules. You aren’t allowed to play with people your own age. They know what stress means. They’re going to feel it. You throw a ball at a physics student and he’s going to argue that no, it didn’t hit him. At the microscopic level nothing ever touches anything else. You do not need to be reminded in any way shape or form that you’ve got… ugly things to do this week.

Besides, if you play with the younger set, stealing lunch money becomes exponentially easier. (And that’s not stressful at all. That’s why it’s called easy.)
- Miss Eliza

posted by Sarah Eliza @ 10:30 AM