Dear Miss Eliza's Christmas Budget
Dear Miss Eliza,I have 3 children under the age of 3. (That is a crazy story, I won't get into the gory details, if you don't mind.) And this is the Christmas season which means that I have to spend 1000s of dollars of them. But you know what this season is like. My heating bill for this month alone is $145 and it costs me over $40 whenever I want to fill up at the pump. So you could say I'm on a budget. This being the case, just how much should I spend on each of my 3 kids this season?
- Santa's siphoned helper
Dear siphoned,
So you've had your kids for what, up to 3 years a piece right? And you'll have them for what up to another 15 years minimum (and don't forget, when it comes to kids it's NEVER the minimum.) You're going to have plenty of opportunities to spend money on them.
Christmas in its current manifestation has become a drain on financially inadequate families everywhere. There's only one thing to be done. Convert to Judaism.
How much money will this put in your pocket? Let's do a little math. You have 3 kids under the age of 3. If you're that type of person, it's probably safe to assume that you aren't done. I'd even go so far as to call it a safe bet that you put another 3 little buggers in your shopping cart before it's all said and done.
Going conservative, that means you have another 21 Christmases to go before they even move out of the house. And another 4 before you don't have anyone left as a dependant. (again, roughly speaking) And Christmas doesn't stop there. You have to get them presensts EVERY year until you don't have years left. We'll be optimistic. Let's say that's 40.
So you will be buying Christmas presents for 40 years. This means that for quite a while you're going to have to put up what $150, $200 per kid? We'll go with $150. You are on a budget after all. This year that means $450, adding 150 a year for the next three years puts your total Christmas expenditures (just on the kids, mind you) at $2700. Plus $900 a year for the next, what 20 years? We'll say 25. That's another $22500 right there.
By that time your kids will be off on lives of their own and self supporting (Ha!) and you can scale back your Christmas budget to $30 per child (you old Scrooge) so $30 times 6 is $180 a year. Still just on the kids. We'll leave grandchildren out of the equation this time. $180 times 15 years is $2700. Which brings your Christmas spending on your children over the course of a lifetime to $27900.
Now when it comes to money I always end up comparing things to school. So that's 4 years of tuition at an in-state public university. You could send one of your kids to college if you didn't have to buy them all Christmas presents. Those Hebrews have the right idea. If only they'd thought of the Chanukah tree we'd all be golden.
-Miss Eliza
Dear Readers,
Tis the season, is it not? And as we all know the season is one of caring for the well being of your fellow man. In this spirit I would like you know know that I too am seeking donations. Fear not, I seek only donations of questions. You question could very well bring joy and laughter to they who need it the most. If you would like to make a questionable donation, write it down and e-mail it to me at selizawalden@yahoo.com OR post it in the comments section, which can be found directly underneath this letter. Thank you for your help in this matter.
- Miss Eliza
posted by Sarah Eliza @ 6:54 AM
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