So Says The Mouse In My Hair

Dear Miss Eliza Yearns For The Day...

Dear Miss Eliza,
I love the 90's. 90's music is so much better than the crap they're playing on the radio today. Even the one hit wonders were better. What can I do to recapture that long lost feeling? Should I start a radio station and just have it cycle through my MP3s? That may cost a lot of money. Help!
Sincerely,
The Spin Doctor

Dear Spin Cycle,
Why is it that when you say "one hit wonders" and "90’s" in the same letter the first thing that comes to mind is "That Thing You Do" and not the Macarana? Maybe this is just another manifestation of my passive aggressive obsessive compulsive bipolar senility.

But I have good news. The matrix (as in The Matrix) is set up to make you think it’s 1999. As long as you don’t mind sharing the energy you generate with a couple artificially intelligent droids, you can just get yourself set up in a little pod in a cozy little corner of a people garden and live happily in a perpetual Twentieth Century while daily enjoying such lost fare as "Larger Than Life" and "Blue."

This will get you closer to your goal, but it isn’t going to hit it dead on. It’s widely acknowledged that music hit its prime (pardon me, its most recent peak, which is not equivalent to the hey day of good old rock and roll) between 1995 and 1997, and it has since been in decline. This decline coincides with the rise of the bubble-gum-slut-clones. A tragedy by all counts.

It is debated whether the bubble gum slut clones or the boy band clones were the actual facilitators of the downfall. Some say that the boy bands in and of themselves were painful but harmless on their own. Others argue that it was this boy band obsession that gave rise to the slut, which spelled disaster.

But the point is that by 1999 this transition was well under way. You want to go further back than the Matrix. I’d suggest a Kevin Smith movie. Go with Mallrats or Chasing Amy, which one you choose will probably depend on your opinion of Ben Affleck, and whether you’re looking to find some Joan Osborne on the radio. (For these reasons… and the fact that I liked it more, I would stick with Mallrats.)

Have a good time, and if you run into me, let me know that I could save myself a lot of stress if I just pick the right major the first time around.
- Miss Eliza

posted by Sarah Eliza @ 6:28 PM