So Says The Mouse In My Hair

Dear Miss Eliza: Can You Spell Overdose?

Dear Miss Eliza
So I'm thinking about upgrading my weedwacker to a riding lawnmower but I'm unsure how to proceed. Some people say that I should just get a regular push mower since I live in a townhouse and the riding mower might be overkill, but I'd rather spend the money now for the comfort later. I don't want to develop any kind of back problems or anything.
Do you think I'm going overboard?
Sincerely
Juan Deere

Dear Juan,
As my theater teacher once told me, "There’s no such thing as overdramatic." That's the kind of statement that will take you places in life. Why don't I say it again, just for good measure? "There's no such thing as overdramatic." (as my paddy used to say, "If it's worth repeating, it's worth repeating in color.)

Actually, I think it was my pastor that told me that. And you know as well as I do that pastors are always right, so that should hold loads more water than my theater teacher. I think she tried to teach us about subtlety. (If I’m not mistaken, she was an athiest. It just goes to show how clueless they all are... athiests, not theater teachers. But you never know, it might be the theater teacher part that makes her clueless.)

And since my pastor's always right and my theater teacher's going to hell, of course I would go with the riding lawn mower. In fact, I just have a little studio apartment, and my main centerpiece is my knuckleboom loader. (I just don’t know how I’d have gotten by all this time without the hydraulic extend a boom. I tell ya, that thing’s a life saver. And that bypass grapple with 42" opening is just to die for.)

The problem then, isn’t whether or not your taking your mowing too seriously, it's what to do about all those unenlightened folks out there who just don’t understand. Reasoning with these people is useless of course, as they haven’t yet arrived at the Age of Reason (more commonly known as 15, the age where you know the reason for everything). What they do understand is the concept of a free ride.

Let me warn you, "free rides" can get expensive, so charge a nominal fee. It really will keep overall costs down. (and you don't have that Murphy guy of Murphey's law hanging around all the time because you're prepared for the worst. That's what money means in 56 different languages. Did you know that?)

In essence, you want to show them that a riding lawn mower is just as fun as a hot air balloon ride, and vastly more convenient. This isn’t hard to prove. All you need is a little mood music and an impulsive overbearing personality, and some price comparissons to hot air balloon rides, and they’ll do anything you suggest (better yet, they’ll believe whatever you say).

Enjoy the fun, and don’t forget to invite me when you start giving out those rides. I’ve never been on a riding lawn mower. That nuckleboom though, there’s nothing like it.
- Miss Eliza

posted by Sarah Eliza @ 4:54 PM