Dear Miss Eliza's Energy Cost Alternatives
Dear Miss Eliza,I’m feeling the high energy costs this winter, and I’m looking for some tips on how to deal with them. Ideas?
Poorie McPoor
Dear Poorie,
The most important thing to remember about heat is that it is all in your mind. The temperature you are feeling is the temperature that that your brain is interpreting from body signals. A little brain surgery ought to take care of the whole problem. You get your brain to tell you that you feel cozy and warm no matter how frozen those boogers feel in your nose.
Sure brain surgery may seem like a rather drastic and expensive method of dealing with high oil prices. But think of all the money you’ll not spend on heating oil for the REST OF YOUR LIFE.
And if over the course of life you find yourself living with someone unfortunate enough not to have thought of brain surgery, you can play out this scenario.
You: "What do you mean it’s cold in here? I’m fine."
Him: "Fine? It’s 50 degrees. I can’t feel my toes."
You: "Whatever. If you want to pay for the heat, go right ahead. But don’t ask me to pitch in."
Him: "Fine. Whatever you say, Scrooge."
And think of all the extra lottery tickets you could buy with that oil money. You could increase the probability of winning by 1000% or more easily. Which means in all likelihood that not only will you save a fortune on heating your home, but you’ll also be insanely closer to winning another fortune on top of that.
Doesn’t get better than that my friend. Brain surgery can solve all your problems.
Miss Eliza
Dear Readers,
So let’s say you’re lying in bed tonight and you find you can’t sleep because there’s this nag in the back of your head who won’t let up. For the sake of your sanity (which is dependant upon the amount of sleep you get) put that nag to bed. Dash off a letter to Dear Miss Eliza, and sleep in peace, knowing that the answer is well within my knowledge base.
The next time this happens to you, send it to me at selizawalden@yahoo.com, or post it right here in the comments section. And rest easy.
- Miss Eliza
posted by Sarah Eliza @ 4:38 PM
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