So Says The Mouse In My Hair

Dear Miss Eliza: Happy Holiday

Dear Miss Eliza,
I ate too much food for dinner today and now my belly won’t move. Any digestion tips?
- One Stuffed Turducken

Dear Stuffed,
Happy Thanksgiving! This calls for what they call the Hair of the Dog treatment. Look at it this way. You’re on a roll. Keep on going. If you stop to pay attention to your body, you’re going to notice that you exploded half an hour ago. And no one wants to notice something like that, you least of all. Like my Paddy always used to say, “Dear Lord, thank you for this tasty morsel and my overwhelming ignorance of my bodily functions.” He was one verbose man, my Paddy.

And he’s right. Ignorance isn’t just bliss, it’s the only way to make sure that you don’t feel guilty about those starving children in Amsterdam.

So have another slice of pie, top it with whipped cream. Sip a nice hot toddy. Peel off a little turkey skin. Stuff that stuffing right down your pipe. And then do it all over again.

Now monotony may kick in after a while, so you’ll need to shake things up. Pour some of that gravy on your apple pie and mash those cranberries right into the peas. Have you tried a pumpkin pie sandwich? Tuna turkey surprise. The surprise is that it doesn’t have any tuna in it. Get it?

At some point you’ll need an Alice’s Restaurant break. And when your break is over, you’re gonna want to be unconscious. It really helps in situations like this. Hopefully after all that tryptophan unconsciousness will follow naturally, but if you’re a freak, and not ready for a little shut eye after Alice’s Restaurant, I’m sorry to say that you’re beyond help.

And go to bed early because you’ll need to be up at the crack of midnight to get in like for dawn-buster sales tomorrow morning. Enjoy!
- Miss Eliza

posted by Sarah Eliza @ 4:43 PM